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Life After Criminal Convictions Part 4

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Does a Law on Human Attraction Exist?
“Opposites attract” is a law of attraction, at least where electromagnetism is concerned. But are there laws about attraction between two people? “In a world that is full of strangers” as a line in a famous song of the 1980’s goes, is there a clear set of rules that allows two people to fall for each other?

Is attraction a matter of chemistry?

Maybe. According to scientists, the attraction between animals of the opposite sex is all about chemicals called pheromones. The effect of pheromones in behavior of insects is the most studied to date. It has been observed, at least in some experiments, that pheromones are responsible for communication among same species and colony of ants. The horrible odor released by skunks to ward off enemies is said to be a kind of pheromone. Some species of apes rub pheromone-containing urine on the feet of potential mates to attract them. Some scientists believe that animals (usually the females) such as insects and mammals send out these chemical signals to tell the male of their species that their genes are different from theirs. This gene diversity is important in producing offspring with better chances of survival. The perfume industry has capitalized on pheromones as a means to increase one’s sexual attractiveness to the opposite sex. Animals such as the whale and the musk deer were hunted down for these chemicals.

Lately, scientists are looking into the existence of human pheromones and its role in mate selection. There are many conflicting views in the realm of biology, chemistry, genetics, and psychology. Most scientists would assert that these do not exist, or if they do, do not play a role in sexual attraction between a man and a woman. But new researches such as that conducted by Swiss researchers from the University of Bern led by Klaus Wedekind are slowly making these scientists rethink their stand. Their experiment involved women sniffing the cotton shirts of different men during their ovulation period. It was found out that women prefer the smell of men’s shirts that were genetically different, but also shared similarities with the women’s genes. This, like in the case of insects and other mammals, was to ensure better and healthier characteristics for their future children. But researchers also cautioned that preference for a male odor is affected by the women’s ovulation period, the food that men eat, perfumes and other scented body products, and the use of contraceptive pills.

Does personality figure in sexual attraction?

Yes, but so does your perception of a potential mate’s personality. According to a research conducted by Klohnen, E.C., & S. Luo in 2003 on interpersonal attraction and personality, a person’s sense of self-security and at least the person’s perception of his/her partner were found to be strong determinants of attraction in hypothetical situations. What does this tell us? We prefer a certain personality type, which attracts you to a person. But aside from the actual personality of the person, which can only be verified through close interaction through time, it is your perception of your potential partner that attracts you to him/her, whether the person of your affection truly has that kind of personality or not. This could probably account for a statement commonly heard from men and women on their failed relationships: “I thought he/she was this kind of person.”

So how does attraction figure in relationships?

You have probably heard that attraction is a prelude, or a factor towards a relationship. Most probably, at least in the beginning; but attraction alone cannot make a relationship work. It is that attraction that makes you notice a person from the opposite sex, but once you get to know the person more, attraction is just one consideration. Shared values, dreams, and passions become more significant in long-term relationships.

So should I stop trying to become attractive?

More than trying to become physically attractive, work on all aspects of your health: physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual. Physical attraction is still a precursor. Remember, biology predisposes us to choose the partner with the healthiest genes. Where your emotions are concerned, just ask this to yourself: would you want to spend time with a person who feels insecure about him/herself? Probably not! There is wisdom in knowing yourself: who you are, your beliefs, values, and dreams. And do not pretend to be someone you are not. Fooling another person by making him/her think that you share the same values and beliefs is only going to cause you both disappointments. When you are healthy in all aspects, attractiveness becomes a consequence and not an end. As mentioned in the Klohnen and Luo’s research, a person’s sense of self-security matters, perhaps even beyond attraction. But remember: do these things for yourself and not for other people. Only then can you truly harness your attractiveness as a person.

 Remeber in this lesson that when you are attracting make sure you are not attracting back into a life of crime start thinking outside that life and attract a different kind of person.

You will get there on this journey believe me and it will be so worth it at the end and always remember you aare worth it.

Life After Criminal Convictions Part 3

Taking this journey can be a long process and it may seem like you are not getting anywhere but believe me you are as long as you don’t revert back to criminal ways.  You may also be thinking that this is not getting you a job but if you actually follow this process your life will start to change for the better and you will also see your attitude will be changing.  Your whole out look on life will be completley changing to a new direction which is the direction you need to be going if you would like to have a better life without any more criminal convictionns.

Enjoy Your Life: Change Your Point of View
“Two men look out through the same bars: One sees the mud, and one sees the stars.”- Frederick Langbridge, A Cluster of Quiet Thoughts

If you’ve placed second in a writing contest, will you jump for joy and push for better results the next time or will you be discouraged and find an excuse not to join again?

In life, you are always filled with choices. You may opt to have a pessimist’s view and live a self-defeated life or you may decide to take the optimist’s route and take a challenging and fulfilling life.

So why nurture an optimist’s point of view? And why now?

Well, optimism has been linked to positive mood and good morale; to academic, athletic, military, occupational and political success; to popularity; to good health and even to long life and freedom from trauma.

On the other hand, the rates of depression and pessimism have never been higher. It affects middle-aged adults the same way it hits younger people. The mean age of onset has gone from 30 to 15. It is no longer a middle-aged housewife’s disorder but also a teen-ager’s disorder’ as well.

Here’s how optimists are in action and researches that back up why it really pays to be an optimist:

Optimists expect the best

The defining characteristic of pessimists is that they tend to believe bad events, which will last a long time and undermine everything they do, are their own fault.

The truth is optimists are confronted with the same hard knocks of this world. What differs is the way they explain their misfortune—it’s the opposite way. They tend to believe defeat is just a temporary setback, that its causes are confined to this one case.

Optimists tend to focus on and plan for the ‘problem’ at hand. They use ‘positive reinterpretation.’ In other words, they most likely reinterpret a negative experience in a way that helps them learn and grow. Such people are unfazed by bad situation, they perceive it is a challenge and try harder.

They won’t say “things will never get better,” “If I failed once, it will happen again” and “If I experience misfortune in one part of my life, then it will happen in my whole life.”

Positive expectancies of optimists also predict better reactions during transitions to new environments, sudden tragedies and unlikely turn of events. If they fall, they will stand up. They see opportunities instead of obstacles.

People respond positively to optimists

Optimists are proactive and less dependent on others for their happiness. They find no need to control or manipulate people. They usually draw people towards them. Their optimistic view of the world can be contagious and influence those they are with.

Optimism seems a socially desirable trait in all communities. Those who share optimism are generally accepted while those who spread gloom, panic and hysteria are treated unfavorably.

In life, these people often win elections; get voted most congenial and sought for advice.

When the going gets tough, optimists get tougher

Optimists typically maintain higher levels of subjective well-being during times of stress than do people who are less optimistic. In contrast, pessimists are likely to react to stressful events by denying that they exist or by avoiding dealing with problems. Pessimists are more likely to quit trying when difficulties arise.

They persevere. They just don’t give up easily, they are also known for their patience. Inching their way a step closer to that goal or elusive dream.

Optimists are healthier and live longer

Medical research has justified that simple pleasures and a positive outlook can cause a measurable increase in the body’s ability to fight disease.

Optimists’ health is unusually good. They age well, much freer than most people from the usual physical ills of middle age. And they get to outlive those prone to negative thoughts.

So why not be an optimist today? And think positively towards a more fulfilled life.

Why not look forward to success in all your endeavors? Why not be resilient? Like everybody else you are bound to hit lows sometimes but don’t just stay there. Carry yourself out of the mud and improve your chances of getting back on the right track. And why not inspire others to remove their dark-colored glasses and see life in the bright side?

How To Obtain A Job After Criminal Convictions Step 2

The next step in this journey to overcoming the pain and anguish that goes with trying to get on with your life after criminal convictions is build your self esteem.

So how do you stay calm, composed and maintain self esteem in a tough environment? Here are some tips you may to consider as a starter guide to self improvement.

Imagine yourself as a Dart Board. Everything and everyone else around you may become Dart Pins, at one point or another. These dart pins will destroy your self esteem and pull you down in ways you won’t even remember. Don’t let them destroy you, or get the best of you.  So which dart pins should you avoid?

Dart Pin #1 : Negative Work Environment
Beware of “dog eat dog” theory where everyone else is fighting just to get ahead. This is where non-appreciative people usually thrive. No one will appreciate your contributions even if you miss lunch and dinner, and stay up late. Most of the time you get to work too much without getting help from people concerned.  Stay out of this, it will ruin your self esteem. Competition is at stake anywhere. Be healthy enough to compete, but in a healthy competition that is.

Dart Pin #2: Other People’s Behavior
Bulldozers, brown nosers, gossipmongers, whiners, backstabbers, snipers, people walking wounded, controllers, naggers, complainers, exploders, patronizers, sluffers… all these kinds of people will pose bad vibes for your self esteem, as well as to your self improvement scheme.

Dart Pin #3: Changing Environment
You can’t be a green bug on a brown field. Changes challenge our paradigms. It tests our flexibility, adaptability and alters the way we think. Changes will make life difficult for awhile, it may cause stress but it will help us find ways to improve our selves. Change will be there forever, we must be susceptible to it.

Dart Pin #4: Past Experience
It’s okay to cry and say “ouch!” when we experience pain. But don’t let pain transform itself into fear. It might grab you by the tail and swing you around. Treat each failure and mistake as a lesson.

Dart Pin #5: Negative World View
Look at what you’re looking at. Don’t wrap yourself up with all the negativities of the world. In building self esteem, we must learn how to make the best out of worst situations.

Dart Pin #6: Determination Theory
The way you are and your behavioral traits is said to be a mixed end product of your inherited traits (genetics), your upbringing (psychic), and your environmental surroundings such as your spouse, the company, the economy or your circle of friends. You have your own identity. If your father is a failure, it doesn’t mean you have to be a failure too. Learn from other people’s experience, so you’ll never have to encounter the same mistakes.

Sometimes, you may want to wonder if some people are born leaders or positive thinkers. NO. Being positive, and staying positive is a choice. Building self esteem and drawing lines for self improvement is a choice, not a rule or a talent. God wouldn’t come down from heaven and tell you – “George, you may now have the permission to build self esteem and improve your self.”  

In life, its hard to stay tough specially when things and people around you keep pulling you down. When we get to the battle field, we should choose the right luggage to bring and armors to use, and pick those that are bullet proof. Life’s options give us arrays of more options. Along the battle, we will get hit and bruised. And wearing a bullet proof armor ideally means ‘self change’. The kind of change which comes from within. Voluntarily. Armor or Self Change  changes 3 things: our attitude, our behavior and our way of thinking.

Building self esteem will eventually lead to self improvement if we start to become responsible for who we are, what we have and what we do. Its like a flame that should gradually spread like a brush fire from inside and out. When we develop self esteem, we take control of our mission, values and discipline.  Self esteem brings about self improvement, true assessment, and determination. So how do you start putting up the building blocks of self esteem? Be positive. Be contented and happy. Be appreciative. Never miss an opportunity to compliment. A positive way of living will help you build self esteem, your starter guide to self improvement.

How To Obtain A Job After Criminal Convictions Step 1

Step 1

Getting a job after you have been convicted of any crime is hard in this day and age.

You may have made your mistakes done your time and now would just like to start over and get on with your life.

Where do you start?

There are so many places you can start but the first thing I suggest you start with is your attitude.

Ensuring you have the right attitude and mindset is really important to ensure you start living a happier life with out ever resorting to crime again.

Believe me there will be hard days and you may think it is too hard but don’t give up.   Giving up will be the worst thing you can do as you will put yourself back on a downward spiral.

Changing your mindset is going to be hard and will take alot of effort on your part.

Make yourself a promise to follow your new journey of life and stick to it.

There’s a chinese proverb that goes like this

“A Journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step”

Lets take a step backwards in your life and return to your childhood.

When you were a child what kind of life did you dream of that you wanted to be when you grew up?

Nows your chance to start dreaming again.  What do you want your perfect life to be like?  If you don’t know then start dreaming.

Stress is a big thing in criminals lives that can be a cause for returning back to crime life.

So what you need to do is put the stress in a different direction.  Wouldn’t it be fantastic to be able to follow simple steps that will reduce stress and produce more success?  Well you can and you are worth it and deserve it.

Every day we are going to change your stress levels by doing some daily techniques.  These techniques will help you change your negative thinking into positive thinking.

Now its the negative thinking that has helped in yur criminal convictions.  So we need to address this behaviour and start you off on a different track.  Believe me its not going to be an easy track to take but if you are willing to put in the hard work then it will pay off in the end.

Negative thinking is usually done over years of programming.  It usually starts off when you are a child with your parents “Your not good enough” “You will never achieve that” “Don’t be stupid your not bright enough to do that” “You are too fat”.  

These statements were damaging to your self-esteem and they have become beliefs in your mind.  Lack of confidence & a bad attitude are all common side effects of damaged beliefs.

These beliefs are not true and we need to change these.  Have you ever wondered why you have become emotionally involved with negativity.  Maybe you always expect bad things to happen and then they do.  You are living a life filled with negativity let downs and unhappiness.

Ok so we have established you may be on this slippery slope down hill and you want to change your lifestyle to a better one.  Don’t worry its not your fault and you can fix it.

Life is all about choices sometimes we make the wrong ones but we can change the future if we just start believing in ourselves.

Dream Your Life

When you were a child you had dreams of what you would like to be when you grew up.  A Doctor, A race car driver, or maybe a crime scene investigator.  What ever it was it was important to you back then but what happened?

Often we dream big and we have large aspirations, but in most people those dreams remain just that dreams.  We leave them in our hands and do nothing about them.  This is sad and alot of us go on just existing and never follow our dreams.

Wouldn’t life be so much better if you could reach your dreams.  Would you aim high if you knew you could achieve success?  Or would you prefer to keep on living a dull and boring life.

The reason most people don’t achieve what they want in life is goals.  They don’t know or understand how to set goals and achieve them, they get stuck on the word impossible.  They keep telling themselves all the negatives why they are unable to achieve their goals.

However if you actually look at the word impossible it actually means “I’m possible”

If you focus on the positives you may actually get somewhere. 

If there was nobody that followed their dreams then we wouldn’t have successful peple, there would be no new inventions.  Who would have invented cellphones, computers, cars or anything for that matter.

There are also alot of people who dreams such outrageous dreams.  Dreams that are so unachievable which causes more problems of broken dream and tattered aspirations.  This can damage self-esteems even more.

When dreaming you need to dream big but make it realistic.  I think it is very important to make sure your dreams are going to be achievable this does not mean making little dreams.

Now the next important part of achieving dreams is having the right mindset.  If you have any self doubt or self limiting thoughts and putting your focus on any reasons why you are unable to achieve then you will probably fail.  However if you have positive thoughts and belief in yourself then you achieve better results.

A great task to start with is take a piece of paper, mark up 3 columns.  In the first column right the heading “Easy tasks I know I can complete”.  Then in the second column right the heading “Tasks that I should be able to complete” and in the third column right the heading “Tasks that will be hard to complete”.

Now in the first column start righting down some of your goals that you know you can achieve. 

In the second column right goals that you think you maybe able to achieve with some hard work.

Then in third column right goals that you think might be impossible to achieve.

Now the next part of the task is to achieve one of the goals, start with the goals you know you can achieve.  Once you have completed ine tick if off and praise yourself for already making a difference.

Keep moving through the goals one by one and you will soon realise that your goals are not so impossible.  Once you have worked through all of your goals in the first column move onto the second column and then the third.  By the time you make it to the third column you will realise that the goals you gave the heading tasks impossible to achieve are not that impossible after all.

Yes it will take work and patience but if you can perserve through the hard work and hard times it will be so much more beneficial.  Do not limit your imagination.  Aim high and start working towards the goals little by little.

Just remember that people who set unrealistic goals end up disappointed and disillusioned.

However thre is another thing to keep in mind if someone had told Bill Gates that his dreams was unrealistic and unachievable we wouldn’t have Microsoft. And someone had told Neil Armstrong he was out of his mind to think he was ever going to walk on the moon but he proved them wrong.

Through sheer desire, hard work and perserverance these dreams are now realities.  When setting your own goals take into account how much hard work and discipline you are willing to put in to achieve your goals.

Dream on and dream big.  Your goals are worth achieving and you deserve to live the life of your dreams.

Take the plunge and step up to the plate.  Stop getting caught with limitations and you will find that the word impossible doesn’t exist anymore and things have just become abit more possible.

LIVE LIFE WITHOUT LIMITS

10 Ways To Empower Your Communication!!!

The Blarney Stone is a historical stone, or actually part of the Blarney Castle in Ireland where it was believed that kissing the stone can grant you the gift of gab. Yeah, it seems strange in this day and age, but who are we to question tradition? It’s not like I’m saying that Santa Claus doesn’t exist (OOPS!).

There is so much to know about conversation that anyone, even I, could ever realize. You can go though watching talk shows; radio programs; clubs dedicated to public speaking; ordinary conversations; certain rules still apply when it comes to interaction through words. It may sound tedious, I know, but even though it’s your mouth that’s doing the work, your brain works twice as hard to churn out a lot of things you know. So what better way to start learning to be an effective communication is to know the very person closest to you: yourself.

1. What you know.
Education is all about learning the basics, but to be an effective speaker is to practice what you’ve learned. My stint as guest at every Toastmasters’ meeting I go to taught me that we all have our limitations, but that doesn’t mean we can’t learn to keep up and share what we know.

2. Listening.
It’s just as important as asking questions. Sometimes listening to the sound of our own voice can teach us to be a little bit confident with ourselves and to say the things we believe in with conviction.

3. Humility
We all make mistakes, and sometimes we tend to slur our words, stutter, and probably mispronounce certain words even though we know what it means, but rarely use it only to impress listeners. So in a group, don’t be afraid to ask if you’re saying the right word properly and if they’re unsure about it then make a joke out of it. I promise you it’ll make everyone laugh and you can get away with it as well.

4. Eye Contact
There’s a lot to say when it comes to directing your attention to your audience with an eye-catching gaze. It’s important that you keep your focus when talking to a large group in a meeting or a gathering, even though he or she may be gorgeous.

5. Kidding around
A little bit of humor can do wonders to lift the tension, or worse boredom when making your speech. That way, you’ll get the attention of the majority of the crowd and they’ll feel that you’re just as approachable, and as human to those who listen.

6. Be like the rest of them
Interaction is all about mingling with other people. You’ll get a lot of ideas, as well as knowing what people make them as they are.

7. Me, Myself, and I
Admit it, there are times you sing to yourself in the shower. I know I do! Listening to the sound of your own voice while you practice your speech in front of a mirror can help correct the stress areas of your pitch. And while you’re at it you can spruce up as well.

8. With a smile
A smile says it all much like eye contact. There’s no point on grimacing or frowning in a meeting or a gathering, unless it’s a wake. You can better express what you’re saying when you smile.

9. A Role Model
There must be at least one or two people in your life you have listened to when they’re at a public gathering or maybe at church. Sure they read their lines, but taking a mental note of how they emphasize what they say can help you once you take center stage.

10. Preparation
Make the best out of preparation rather than just scribbling notes and often in a hurried panic. Some people like to write things down on index cards, while other resort to being a little more silly as they look at their notes written on the palm of their hand (not for clammy hands, please). Just be comfortable with what you know since you enjoy your work.

And that about wraps it up. These suggestions are rather amateurish in edgewise, but I’ve learned to empower myself when it comes to public or private speaking and it never hurts to be with people to listen how they make conversations and meetings far more enjoyable as well as educational.